What Hurts the Most
by Jamison Leigh
Summary: Just PRE-Rent. I suck at summaries. HIATUS.
1. And So We Begin

What Hurts the Most

**Author's Note: I just saw RENT this past Saturday. So, this is during Roger's withdrawal period. And the first time Mark met Mimi.**

Roger sat on the couch, he was so twitchy. It drove him nuts, but he knew no other way to life. He once did. But, not anymore. His life was consumed with drugs. When he could get the next fix. Songs meant nothing anymore. Life meant nothing.

The day he'd first shot up that poison…was the beginning of the end for Roger Michael Davis. He stopped writing his folks as often. He didn't talk to his roommates. Because he knew he'd get lectured, and he didn't want to feel any guiltier about his choices than he already did. Mark would feel ashamed. Like he'd led Roger to picking up the needle.

Maureen would call him a dumbass, and try to take away the last thing Roger could depend on. Depending on people tended to get Roger in trouble. So, he decided not to trust anyone anymore. To be alone. With just April and his needles. That's all he needed out of life.

He hadn't heard from his two sisters since he started using. He kept getting letters from Lizzie. Who was blossoming in her freshman year of university. He'd tried the college route, but it never really panned out. The loft was cold, damp and drafty. So, he had to make a lot of money to fix it.

Mark was always working at the Life Café, or at the Statue of Liberty. He took pictures at the Statue. He hated it, but it was money. Maureen was a tour guide in the good part of town. She actually kind of liked her job. Collins was studying for his high school equivalency exam.

Benny was wooing Allison Grey, and was gradually moving out of the loft. Roger had no job, a drug habit to nurse, family who was dependent on him. Especially his sick mother and his alcoholic father. His older sister Denise spent her time taking care of Carol, their mother. Elizabeth, the youngest, went to college in Maine, far away from her parents or sister. Roger was always responsible for her.

Had to be. He protected her from their father during his drunken tirades. His bohemian friends said they understood what he went through, but they didn't. April did. She truly loved him. She introduced him to heroin, because she wanted to spend her life with him.

And that was what she did most of the time. Except for that year she moved to New Jersey, to 'take care of her sister, June and brother, August.' He believed her. And when she came back, she looked healthy and clean. But, she went back to their old habits, and loved being the way they were.

She let herself in, and sat on the couch with Roger. She looked him in the eye.

'Roger lets go get some stuff from the man.' They weren't allowed to know his name. Privileged information, he said. He had a smoker's cough, and a bad attitude. He was always threatening the new comers. Scared Roger to death the first time he'd met him. He always called him 'Lover boy' because he said April was like a daughter to him, and so he 'had to protect her'. April had later told him that the man and she had dated in high school. They even had sex. So, he was really jealous when he saw them together.

Roger grabbed his leather jacket. A Christmas gift from Elizabeth. He followed April out the door, grabbing his keys. They held hands, hers were freezing. The man jumped out of the shadows.

'Hey Ape, Lover boy.' he said, nodding in Roger's direction. Roger nodded back. April had the money in her hand, and reached in for a hug. 'Hey, honey!' she exclaimed! He patted her back with one hand. She smiled as he put the tiny baggie in her pocket. She kissed his cheek, and walked off, Roger following close behind.

LATER

They were lounging at April's apartment. It was in a cleaner part of downtown New York. She lived alone. She was a painter, a well-known painter. Ever since Vincent Grey, of Westport, bought a painting of Allison for her 21st birthday. She had a fancy art studio. It usually had pictures of a little girl with light blue eyes and familiar dirty blonde hair. She looked like a newborn in some pictures, a 1 or 2 year old in others. April said her name was Avery. She was so beautiful. He turned away from the paintings, and smiled at April, who was on the phone. She smiled back, and looked out the window.

'Hi, honey. I miss you, too. Soon, honey. I promise. No, he can't. He can't, sweetheart. I know. I realize that, sweetie. I love you more. Put June on. Hey, June. It's Ape. Yeah. He's here. Yeah. She did? Well, I miss her too, June. You know I do. She is mine. I wish I had. I'll see you at Christmas. I will. Tell her I love her. Bye, sis.'

She hung up, and looked at Roger who was piddling with his guitar, that he'd left at her apartment. It was a birthday present from Denise to Roger. April had gotten him high on his birthday. He loved them all. He kissed her neck, when she cuddled up to him. She looked at her watch. 'Rog, I have a doctor's appointment. A follow-up from 6 months ago.' She said her face a worried look. He nodded.

'I'm going with you. If it's something involving you, it involves me.' He said, shrugging his shoulders.

She kissed him on the lips, grabbing her coat. 'Let's go, then.' She said, wiggling her nose suggestively.

He smiled, and followed her. Not knowing that this doctor's visit would change their lives forever...


	2. Where We Are Now

What Hurts the Most?

**Author's Note: It's been a while. I'm so sorry for making y'all wait! *smiles in apology*I still don't own RENT, and probably never will.**

Chapter Two: Where We Are Now

April looked at Roger, her face tight with worry. She sighed, and Roger grinned a little to make her relax. Today was Benny's wedding. The doctor's appointment was postponed until after, because Roger and Mark were groomsmen.

He turned to Mark, who had his camera around his neck. Maureen blew a kiss in his direction, with a little flirty smile in her eyes. What Mark hadn't realized was that she was actually blowing kisses at the guy next to him; Benny's little brother, Simon. April did; Maureen and April were really close. Almost like sisters.

Mark turned to Roger, who was slightly shivering in his tuxedo. "You okay?" he muttered. "Fine." Roger whispered in response.

Roger didn't have to tell Mark a thing. He already knew all of Roger's secrets. He found Roger's 'hidden' stash behind the drawers in the bathroom. Collins was the one who found it, actually. He had stashed his own vice there—his alcohol. Collins didn't hide the alcohol because he was an alcoholic….he stashed it so Maureen wouldn't get it.

After the wedding, April and Roger left immediately to the doctor.

"Hi, I'm April Ericsson. I'm here for the results of my--…"

"Thank you so much." She said, gratefully as she got handed the big packet of information.

April Elaine Ericsson. Positive. She looked at Roger, tears filling her gray eyes. "Oh, Rog…I'm so sorry…" she sobbed. Roger looked over her shoulder, and looked at the papers. Oh, God. He felt sick. But, didn't want to tell April and make her feel worse. He just wrapped her in a hug and said, "It's gonna be okay. I promise."

LATER

Roger sat on the couch, curled in a little ball. He had to give it up. He had to. He had to. But, he couldn't. He grabbed his guitar, and tried to play. But, his emotions were still too raw to tap into the creative flow. "Sorry, Molly. I can't play you right now." He mumbled.

Mark was at work. Would be for a while. Roger had a gig scheduled tonight…but he couldn't go now. He just couldn't.

"Hey, Phil. It's me. Roger. I can't make it tonight….I got bad news earlier and…yeah…yeah…you're right. You're right. Okay. Tell Sam to relax. I'll be there." He groaned as he hung up. The last thing he wanted to do was perform. He couldn't call back after he'd just promised he'd be there.

When he got off stage, he kept thinking about that dancer that he'd seen as he left for the show. She was a skinny little vixen. She was gorgeous. He'd never seen anything so beautiful in his life. Except for April. April! He walked over to her apartment, and used the key she'd given him and got in. He yelled her name, and looked all over her apartment for her. He was about to call it quits when he noticed her bathroom light was on. The water was going, too. She was taking a bath; that was why she hadn't heard him.

He opened the door, and saw her in the tub. The water was a deep red. His heart jumped into his throat and he ran in to save her.

"April! April! Come on, baby. Speak to me! Damn it! Don't you leave me, understand? Don't! I love you!" he said, as he tried to revive her. He called 911, and they came. She was dead.

LATER

Roger came home, trying to control himself. He didn't think he could handle Mark's questions. Not when Roger just wanted to die in peace and join his beloved April.

Mark looked up from his make out session with Maureen, and saw Roger looking so pale and fragile. Roger sniffled his tears, and tried to go past them without saying anything. Mark grabbed Roger, and looked at him deeply. Maureen ignored him.

"Roger?" he asked, as Roger just walked to the bathroom and locked the door.

_This is not good_ thought Mark.

Mark banged on the door, yelling Roger's name.

When he finally managed to unlock the door using a pair of pliers lying around, he came in and saw Roger sobbing on the floor. An unused razor at his side.

"Roger! What's going on?"

"It's April…she's dead." He sobbed, trying to slow it down.


End file.
